Showing posts with label kill myself. Show all posts
Showing posts with label kill myself. Show all posts

Friday, December 10, 2010

The Fallen Angel

I had this great idea for a story in my head, but I could not figure out what I would make it about.  (Animals, people, etc.)  Then I got the idea to make it about angels from Crimson's name:)  It's written by me, so of course it's chalk full of symbolism.  Enjoy

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     Once upon a time there was a sweet angel named Black.  She was one of the cheeriest and prettiest angels in all of heaven.  However, one day while she was sitting on a cloud contemplating all the wonders of the world, a demon captured her.  He blind folded her and chained her up inside a steel cage.  Then he threw the steel cage off of the cloud, and laughed as Black fell helplessly to Earth.
     She landed in a mud puddle.  She thrashed around in the cage trying desperately to get out.  Many people passed by her, but none of them could see her or hear her screams.  Exhausted, she gave up.  She laid down in the middle of the cage and wept.
     Another angel, Ivory, eventually heard her cries from heaven and flew down to earth.  Ivory saw Black and asked "What are you doing here?"
     "A demon locked me in this cage and threw me down here.  I can't get out, can you please help me?" Black pleaded.
     "I don't have the key to the door, so I cannot help you," Ivory said, "But you do."
     "What do you mean?  I don't see any key here!" Black exclaimed, fustrated.
     "Take off you blind fold, sister, and you will see."
      Black took off her blindfold and looked where Ivory was pointing.  Laying next to her feet was a small, golden key.  "Why you've found the key!" Black said, overjoyed.
     "I didn't find the key, it was there all along.  All you needed to do was try to see it," said Ivory.
     Black quickly unlocked the door to the cage and sprang out.  She dusted herself off.  "My wings are broken," Black said as she looked at her wings, which were now brown with mud and straggly looking.
     "They are not broken," said Ivory.  Then she began to wipe the mud off of Black's wings with the bottom of her dress.  "See?  Good as new."
     Black looked at her white, sparkling wings, and spread them wide to fly into the air, back to heaven.  She lept into the air, only to be pulled back down to earth.  A metal cuff had ahold of her ankle.  It was attached to a long chain that led to the steel cage.  "I'm chained to the cage!  Now what am I going to do?" Black sobbed.
    "Well, I can't help you with that.  There is no way to make the cage go away.  You need to fly back into heaven, and you can probably find a way to get it off there."
     Ivory took Black's hand, and together they flew back up to heaven.  It was not easy for Black.  The cage weighed an aweful lot and her poor wings nearly gave out before she could reach the first cloud.  She collapsed on a white, soft cloud.
     "Whew, that was hard," Black sighed with relief.  Ivory sat down next to her.  Black was glad to be back home.  She gazed up into the sky and realized how beautiful her home was.  She was so happy to be back, and everything that she had thought she lost seemed so much more beautiful than before.
     Black felt the chain holding her to the cage dissipate.  The weight of the cage dropped and was gone.  Black looked over the cloud and watched as the cage fell back down to Earth.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Blind Fold

My struggle with suicidalness was like a blind fold. Excuse me if I speak metephorically for a moment...

I felt like I was trapped- sometimes in a prison with nothing to look forward to but my own misery, sometimes between a 100ft brick wall and savage beasts waiting to devour me. There were MANY ways out and even a bright, shimmery world outside the window of my cell. However, I was in a trance-like state where I could not see the world outside.

Honestly, back then, I had more friends, less stress, more opportunities for fun and less obstacles back then than I do now. Yet back then I wanted to die, shoot myself in the head if I could ever find a gun. (I figured it was the best way to go, and after awhile I did NOT want to be saved). And now? I'm as happy as a clam!

Why? Well, it's a long story... It involved some therapy and pills, which didn't work so well, and this amazing opportunity. I'm dirt poor and have always quit on everything, but somehow I ended up with a horse. My dad got her for me, and then I had someone depending on me that NEEDED me and showed me how much I could achieve. However, I now realize that I did not NEED my horse (her name's Star, btw) to save myself. It was just a small step in the right direction that allowed me to realize how great life really is.

Anyway, I'll write more later. Thanks for reading so far. And as always, feel free to contact us via message or comments:)


-Steph